Parenting a Child With Mental Illness…

 This is hands down the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Nothing makes you feel like a bigger failure than your child having a problem that you can’t fix. My poor baby has been dealing with anxiety and depression for years. We’ve tried therapy. We’ve tried sports. We’ve tried medication. We’ve tried finding hobbies. Nothing has helped long term. Middle school has been especially hard for him. He’s not good with change. He’s not good with confrontation. He’s the most sensitive child you will ever meet. He’s been through so much during his twelve and a half years on Earth. 

Recently, we’ve been having issues with his math teacher. She’s very rigid and not a bit personable. She gives pages of homework every night, which is fine, but my child does not grasp the way she teaches things. He’s felt overwhelmed over it. He’s cried. He’s afraid to ask her any questions. He’s admitted to having suicidal thoughts over the stress. As a parent, nothing will make you feel worse than hearing those words. He no longer thinks his medication is helping. He’s having problems sleeping. I have been physically sick over this all week. I’ve tried to explain to him that as an adult, you can’t just quit your job because you don’t get along with a co-worker. I’ve forced him to stick it out. He’s just miserable. 

Finally, I went to his principal yesterday and asked that something he done. Today, he’s started a new schedule with all new teachers. Which I’ve also been sick over, because what do I do if this doesn’t help him? We’ve also decided to workout together. I’ve had him referred to a psychiatrist for medication management, and he’s agreed to try a new therapist. I’m not sure if any of this will help, but I don’t know what else to do. I feel like a failure. My job is to keep him safe and happy. I smother him in love & praises, and he still feels like the world could be better off without him. That devastates me. He’s my whole world. I wish he could see how amazing he is. He’s so smart. He’s hilarious. He’s an old soul. He dances to the beat of his own drum. He’s so loving and caring. He’s a great student, an amazing friend, and the best kid I could’ve asked for. He’s constantly worried about me. He wants me to be happy. He doesn’t want me to be lonely. He encourages me to do new things. I just wish I could give him more stability. I think not having a male figure to look up to has definitely played a part in all this. Losing my dad was so hard on him, and he’s not the biggest fan of his own dad. I feel like over screwed up my child. I feel like I need to put all my focus into making this situation better. I’ve put way too much focus on myself recently. Too concerned with my own sadness to even notice his. Being a parent really is the hardest job in the world.