Blah…

 I don’t know if anyone is following along with me, or if I’m just talking to myself. Probably just talking to myself, I tend to do that. I’m feeling very uneasy today. Nauseous from the food I ate last night, and nauseous over him. I can’t help but wonder if he’s moved on. It’s none of my business, and I shouldn’t care, but I kinda do. That’s embarrassing to say. We only dated for six months, and I’m not even sure if I really loved him. I know I need to move on from that relationship, and normally I don’t have any issue moving on, but this feels different. Maybe because I’m usually the dumper, not the dumpee.  I want to throw up every time I think about him. I wonder if he misses me too. Probably not. I know I annoyed him, that’s just my personality. I want to talk to him so bad, but I know that won’t change the situation. I’m still praying for his happiness every time I talk to God, that’s the least I can do. My heart is just a little achy today. I’m hoping this feeling passes quickly. 

Although I’m no longer on social media, word has gotten out about me being single. I’ve been asked out a few times this week, but I am definitely not ready to date again. I just want the life back that I had a month ago. Being blissfully unaware of my own ignorance. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m starting to annoy myself. I shouldn’t care. I should just move on. He told me he was done and no longer interested. So why am I still thinking about him? Being an adult is hard. Not only do I have to work, take of the house, and be a mom. But I have to deal with things like this too. Stupid. 

Also, it’s one week away from the two year anniversary of my sister’s death. My body can definitely feel that. It’s weird how you subconsciously know when anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and special events you celebrated with a family who has passed are coming up. And I started my period, so that’s not helping anything. I just feel sad today. Weirdly though, I still don’t feel like crying over anything. I’m hoping a nice long walk with my favorite podcast will help me feel better after work. 

Until I have another random thought…

Jamie