Closure…

 I took a 4.5 mile walk last night. I spent most of that time listening to podcasts from my favorite life coach, Kara Loewentheil. She wrote one my favorite books, Unf*ck Your Brain. In one episode, she discussed closure. She mentioned that closure is needed when we don’t like the way something ended. Doesn’t necessarily mean we don’t understand it, just that we want the other person to explain why they hurt us and hope they change their minds. She said it’s about wanting control. No one can make us feel or think anything. We’d like to be able to pass the blame, but we need accept what’s happening and move forward. She said we need to stop believing things should’ve been different, and accept that we wouldn’t be where we are in life right now if that incident hadn’t happened. Everything happens just the way it should to lead us to where we need to be. 

 I know as much as I didn’t want to tell him to mail my things back to me, as much as I wanted to see him one last time & show off my change, I made the right choice. Seeing him isn’t going to change anything. It felt good hearing I had made the correct, mature choice on the matter  it’s nice to see myself learning and growing. Learning to keep my feeling neutral, and not under or overreact, is a big step for me. I wanted so bad to be able to blame my issues on the domestic violence or death of my & sister, but I can’t. I am responsible for how I let those episodes impact my life. Yes, they sucked. Yes, it’s ok to be sad. Yes, I can think about how bad I hurt during those times. But I can’t live on the past. Those moments made me who I am today; a strong, beautiful, independent, intelligent, hilarious woman. I am proud of who I am becoming. For the first time in a long time, I’m excited to see where this crazy journey called life leads me. I know I am in for something good, and it’s going to happen soon. 

One step closer to bliss, 

Jamie