Let’s Get Real…

 I miss him. I really do. It’s so hard not to text him over football or baseball. I wanted to tell him so bad about the Savannah Bananas coming to WV next year. I’m not sure about the love between us, but I do know he has been my best friend for the last six months and this is hard. Maybe I’m just putting up a tough front because I have to be strong and appear unbothered. I still haven’t cried, but I am sad. Maybe we just needed a break. Maybe it will all work out. I don’t know. But I do find myself checking my phone randomly to see if he’s texted or called. 

I also fell off the wagon tonight. Ate something I should’ve have. I know one bad meal doesn’t ruin everything, but I still shouldn’t have done it. It wasn’t worth it. I worked out after, but I still feel guilty. I made it two weeks without messing up, so that’s awesome. Thank t was only one meal, I need to not be so hard on myself. I’m still killing this New Jamie overhaul thing. 

I still haven’t drank, which is huge. I was never a raging alcoholic or anything, but I did drink to cope from time to time. And it made me mean. So I am very proud of myself for not drinking. 

I’ve planned a hike this weekend to go look at the leaves at my favorite place in the whole world. I’ve invited a few friends, but will probably end up going alone. None of my friends like to do outdoorsy stuff. He did. I guess that part of why I miss him. Campfires and snackle boxes. But I’ll sit on a giant rock and look over a valley of colorful trees with a bag of gluten-free pretzels & unsalted cashews all by myself. And it will be awesome.