Cherophobia…

 Woke up today feeling better. I know the majority of my stress is brought on by myself. I get in my head. I overthink. I try to fix situations that are out of my control, then freak out when I can't change anything. I wonder what event in my past made me this way. Research suggests this behavior is brought on my stress, anxiety, and depression. Go figure. I need to stop obsessing about every little detail of everything that hasn't gone the way I wanted it to. I am triggered by uncertainty. It's amazing what therapy can teach you about yourself. I’ve recently learned the word cherophobia. It’s a form of anxiety. It’s basically the fear of being happy. That’s me. I’m afraid of being hurt and disappointed, so I self sabotage. And guess what? I always end up hurt and disappointed. Then I freak out, which makes matters way worse. I need to stop worrying about everyone else (except Odin) and focus on really fixing myself. I don’t want to be lonely forever. I need to stop pushing people away. I’ve been too obsessed over my recent problems to see that I am the problem. The past month of my life has been one big therapy session, but I think I’m finally starting to get it. I’m losing weight. I’m exercising. I’ve been sober for a month. I’m finally starting to get a grasp on the physical. Now I just need the mental and emotional parts to line up. I know I can do this.