What I should’ve said…

 I’ve had plenty of time to think about the conversation I had with him. I wish I would’ve asked to step back from the conversation for the night. My emotions were already running high. I was super stressed at work, dealing with a health issue, and running on very little sleep. I should’ve asked for time. I should’ve asked what I could do differently to try to fix the situation. Or at least learn from it. You can’t fix a situation you don’t know is happening. I wish he would’ve just brought the issues to my attention. I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to be a better person. My therapist has given me some insight, but I need to hear it from the horse’s mouth. I want to be secure in a relationship. I constantly feel like I’m going to be left by everyone in my life. My therapist says I live in a constant state of fight or flight. And I can feel that. My body doesn’t seem to comprehend anything except grief and loss. I wasn’t very vocal about that with him. There’s a million things I should’ve done differently. I can see that now. Part of me wants to see if we can make it work. Another part of me wants to move on. Maybe it’ll work out between us eventually. Maybe it won’t. Only time will tell. Until then, I’m going to keep working on me.