One last sappy post…

This has become less of a blog and more of a diary. A glimpse into my psyche. A love letter to the growth I’ve made. I realize dwelling in things I can’t change. I know it’s not healthy, but I have to get my words out before I can fully move on from what happened last week. This 30 day no contact rule I implemented has been harder than I thought it would be. Especially after reading a book that changed it all for me.  

Just incase he see this, I need him to know something…

You were right. Saying that feels so freeing. I wish you would’ve called me out on my actions sooner, but I probably wouldn’t have learned the lesson then. You know how difficult I am. I wasn’t sure if I could love you. I wasn’t sure if I could trust you. I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way I did. Know what I know now, all of that was in my head. I was overthinking  I created a problem where there wasn’t one. I want you to know how truly sorry I am. I had convinced myself this wasn’t going to work, that you’d find someone better. I stop working on making myself better and put myself into panic state over our relationship. I had been doing this for months. I can’t believe you stuck around as long as you did. I would’ve bolted. Please know that I do love you. I miss you so much. So many funny things have happened at work, I’ve restrained from messaging you but I’m keeping a log incase you want to hear them one day. I know with the knowledge I have now, I can make this work with you. I want to make this work with you. But I also know there’s a chance you want to leave this all behind. And that’s ok. I completely understand. I know now I’ll be ok no matter what happens. I know you love me, but I also know I caused a lot of issues. So I will wait patiently, and I will show up where I asked you to meet me in a few weeks. I hope you can see the renewed spirt in me. I want you to see the changes I’m making. I only ask for be very specific thing of you…please bring my waffle maker even if you chose to leave me behind. It’s the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me and I am beyond sorry I was such an ass about it. I don’t deserve you, but I hope you’ll want to stick around anyway and give this one last chance. 

I love you. I miss you. I cannot wait to see you again-even if it’s just as friends  

XOXO, Me.