The snack cart…

 If you’ve never seen this before, consider yourself blessed. This is the snack cart they bring out when your family member is dying. I’ve seen it twice. They all look the same, no matter where you are. I guess a red table cloth, some coffee, water, and cookies is supposed to soften the blow. 

This particular cart isn’t for a family member of mine, but for a resident at the nursing home I work at . She will be my first death here. As I sit here in her room, holding her hand so she doesn’t die alone, I can’t help but reflect on my own grief. 

We never know how many days we have left. We shouldn’t take them for granted. We shouldn’t take people for granted. We should tell those that we love how much they really mean to us. Let the little petty things go. No one should have die alone in a nursing home. I know I don’t want to. 

I just really want to talk to my best friend right now. Leven though he isn’t my best friend anymore. I think he’s the only who truly understands this phase of my life. I guess he’s not my best friend anymore. Maybe I need to make a new best friend. Maybe I should take off and go somewhere this weekend to clear my head. Maybe I should call my mom. I don’t know. So many thoughts are racing through my head at this moment. 

Death is a weird thing to experience, and grief is even weirder.