Taking accountability…

 I tend to run to my blog when bad things happen in my life. When I need to vent. When I need to talk to someone, but don’t have anyone to call. When I realize I’ve fucked up and need to hold myself responsible. That’s why I’m here today. I fucked up. Big. More than once. 

I got dumped again. By the same guy. For the third time. I thought this time around was different. And maybe it was. But I was different. I was insecure. I stopped working on myself. Blamed him for all our problems. Then I begged him to rethink things. Forced him to block my number. Taking a step back and thinking, I would’ve dumped me too. So I’m taking this as a learning experience and moving on. I asked him to have no contact with me for 30 days and meet up with me at the place we had our first date to officially exchange Christmas gifts. My gift is still at his place because we used it there. His is at my place because it came late. He really was my best friend. I miss him greatly. I really do love him. But I’m trying to decide if seeing him is a good idea or not. I have time to decide. I’ll pray about it. 

For the time being, I’m going to work on me. I’ve started back to the gym. Got new gym shoes. I went and got my nails done. Got a new couch. I’ve been eating better and sleeping better. I’m going to plan a weekend away for myself. I’m saving up to go car shopping. I’m determined to make this a great year. Going to let go of the negativity. It’s been dragging me down. 

I’m not sure if anyone will read this, and it’s ok if they don’t. I need an outlet to let emotions flow. I need to not direct them towards people. I need to use this more often. Maybe that will be my New Year’s resolution.   

We’ll talk again soon.