tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70817837956912893102024-03-14T00:55:24.086-04:00Mama and MascaraMama. Nurse. Football fanatic. Makeup lover. Goofball. Conductor of the Hot Mess Express. Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.comBlogger257125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-57397194490651231862023-09-12T10:27:00.002-04:002023-09-12T10:27:38.712-04:00In My RED Era...<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Chang is fun. Being a girl is fun. I like being brave and changing up my appearance from time to time. I've grown it out, dyed it dark, cut it short, bleached it, worn it curly, worn it straight, cut bangs, added fun vibrant colors. My hair has seriously been every color, except red. I've seen a million and one Tik Tok's about "cowboy copper", and thought it might be something fun to do before turning 40. So I decided to take a page out of Taylor Swift's book, and enter into my red era. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlcNAjnT6CEnHl_b9OQiJo7OK5Sz9WG-yoGAtgO92Ayj7C_-kwxC5_gTz2KpJH8yMUYmH6V8yQZobc6rmNC08gbtBr7apXyanTJBBfo_KhFXg_4SDfYYTJ2HXquaZmsv7Q2TLGLK6O03W51p7fc4mh83-uNBiVrdQcbnj2vVE_qx89xXOv-_jnplhtLZt6/s1737/IMG_1294.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1737" data-original-width="1256" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlcNAjnT6CEnHl_b9OQiJo7OK5Sz9WG-yoGAtgO92Ayj7C_-kwxC5_gTz2KpJH8yMUYmH6V8yQZobc6rmNC08gbtBr7apXyanTJBBfo_KhFXg_4SDfYYTJ2HXquaZmsv7Q2TLGLK6O03W51p7fc4mh83-uNBiVrdQcbnj2vVE_qx89xXOv-_jnplhtLZt6/w289-h400/IMG_1294.jpg" width="289" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"> I told my hair dresser to talk me out it, but she talked me into it. And I am so glad I did it! It's such a fun change. It makes me feel powerful. I may keep it around for awhile. This just might be the new and improved Jamie. I might even go a little more copper next time. I am in such a great place in my life. Changing my hair just feels like the icing on the cake. </div><p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-81405948376714888972023-09-05T13:15:00.001-04:002023-09-05T13:15:49.127-04:00Life Update...<p> <span> </span>A lot has happened since my last post. So I thought I would do an update post. Life has been great since my pathetic melt down. (Which looking back, is highly embarrassing). Once you get out of a toxic situation and get your head straightened out, you can really see the giant red flags you missed when trying to convince yourself you are happy. I was so afraid of being alone for the longest time. Now dating is the last thing on my mind. </p><p><span> </span>I have spent the last three months really working on myself. I am happier and healthier than I've been in my adult life. I still have a ways to go, but I finally feel like I am on the right track. I have officially been accepted to RN school. I will start classes in the Spring of 2024. I am really looking forward to furthering my education, and increasing my income. I also made the decision to start weekly injections to help with my EoE. I've done two shots so far. They hurt. I don't like sticking myself, but I am hoping they will help. I've been sick the past few weeks, so I can't tell if there is any improvement yet. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMwhWxPr_fR_SjdND02WX9vZ9JgH96QQCb7eyMCxleATv5IV3jI6CtlGJ3mRGLFgPYknTdhO9vR_ikC6q-Zs0-6chnTtnDjiPNf3sCox9zrLpu_9Ybqu_0I4kTUelscjg5QzhXprcZwp8zpFzpjU9ZULcieXjgZl_vLBDhFnZaxaiT4tmK-ea7jR_eh2NV/s1555/IMG_0755.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1555" data-original-width="1244" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMwhWxPr_fR_SjdND02WX9vZ9JgH96QQCb7eyMCxleATv5IV3jI6CtlGJ3mRGLFgPYknTdhO9vR_ikC6q-Zs0-6chnTtnDjiPNf3sCox9zrLpu_9Ybqu_0I4kTUelscjg5QzhXprcZwp8zpFzpjU9ZULcieXjgZl_vLBDhFnZaxaiT4tmK-ea7jR_eh2NV/w160-h200/IMG_0755.jpeg" width="160" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"> </span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span><span style="text-align: left;">It's been nice to really use this time to focus Odin, instead of worrying about someone's dusty ass son. (Not meaning the ex, just men in general.) He's playing his first year of football. He's loving it. He's made new friends on the team, and has finally gotten away from the kids who were so awful to him last year. He has yet to come into my office at school crying. In fact, I hardly see him at school. His grades are so much better this year. He's really grown up in the past few months. I am so proud of the young man he's turning into. </span></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6isHQyhmTObwJ_iLs5WdOUxOyuPi-CY4FFw4-mxYF9zzCI-ArhfpSoF699SwNrXH6DhOunv4sIfr1AbgzLPOZaVlC5HZCcEqDBcOuByMi2ZdZ1s1OCx6nW1_LZiVXriCmUgucDSK8sTtK4v8YmKjD7cD018xAhkX6e31o44swnFCz08qJd0z4E14aBLJ/s4032/IMG_1194.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6isHQyhmTObwJ_iLs5WdOUxOyuPi-CY4FFw4-mxYF9zzCI-ArhfpSoF699SwNrXH6DhOunv4sIfr1AbgzLPOZaVlC5HZCcEqDBcOuByMi2ZdZ1s1OCx6nW1_LZiVXriCmUgucDSK8sTtK4v8YmKjD7cD018xAhkX6e31o44swnFCz08qJd0z4E14aBLJ/w240-h320/IMG_1194.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr></tbody></table><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjGZ27rA9Lf0jHgVe3xj0m7QEElKtUBVYiUVQfi4JqxArh6xNB2K_FoA9egHa_p0UgAPlbmQRm3OpOtwhIK6iMOwHdKkgwDlyiiEA-PyabxZ_n-tq08CNNtm06Ddq7swUrvxqYYHHleeg46ESXGNyW2QUn6RIflI0UoIIt5jmw0L3xAoLRMAqBPG4Xj_75/s4032/IMG_1068.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjGZ27rA9Lf0jHgVe3xj0m7QEElKtUBVYiUVQfi4JqxArh6xNB2K_FoA9egHa_p0UgAPlbmQRm3OpOtwhIK6iMOwHdKkgwDlyiiEA-PyabxZ_n-tq08CNNtm06Ddq7swUrvxqYYHHleeg46ESXGNyW2QUn6RIflI0UoIIt5jmw0L3xAoLRMAqBPG4Xj_75/w240-h320/IMG_1068.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><p></p><p style="text-align: center;"> I finally feel like our lives are moving in the right direction. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-23263779411445817702023-06-07T17:00:00.001-04:002023-06-07T17:00:49.149-04:00Moving On…<p>I think it’s officially time to retire my drama from this blog and move it somewhere else. Starting a new blog with food allergy, lifestyle, and dating content. Maybe I’ll bring back the makeup blog one day, but for now it’s time to move on. Find me there, if you want to keep up. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-565012424719344182023-06-07T12:35:00.002-04:002023-06-07T12:35:21.756-04:00Ugh. Again?!…<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglFzj0EzTqm58MmC3weRj3IjUFl0YThdezJ0b4rsWhJ3b0F7q4NGQ2LYHc5HNZMuXQVPRmJ9hZt9Nqlxl6HmdpMHr9EzdGf9CDBmuOPnEzjPDmdt_cSWZNtVtdlHePxljAi2zJev1lvOjBbdVTgacYm_pZrUk0npXJ9r-YO489sudBPOw9QC7UgrIpJQ/s2796/IMG_0093.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2796" data-original-width="1290" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglFzj0EzTqm58MmC3weRj3IjUFl0YThdezJ0b4rsWhJ3b0F7q4NGQ2LYHc5HNZMuXQVPRmJ9hZt9Nqlxl6HmdpMHr9EzdGf9CDBmuOPnEzjPDmdt_cSWZNtVtdlHePxljAi2zJev1lvOjBbdVTgacYm_pZrUk0npXJ9r-YO489sudBPOw9QC7UgrIpJQ/s320/IMG_0093.png" width="148" /></a></div><p><br /></p>Well, these crazy emails have started again. Spot on to my situation. I know these are spam emails, but I am about to call the 1-800 number to find out who is stalking my life.<p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-87269548933875043212023-06-07T08:18:00.001-04:002023-06-07T08:20:15.077-04:00Bamboozled…Within 72 hours of one person threatening to leave me six hours from home and me completely blocking him out of my life, another rolls in to shoot his shot and offers to take me dinner this week. Not sure that’s something I am interested in, but it’s nice to know I’m not completely shriveled up and haggard. Definitely a confidence boost I needed after such a terrible weekend. The funny thing is, I knew this past weekend was going to be bad. I could feel it. Every fiber of my being told me not to go. I bamboozled myself and went anyway. I definitely need some time to take care of me. I put someone else before me, and got played. Sometimes I get too wrapped up in other people and I forget to take care of my own needs. I really thought I’d still be sad over everything that went down, but I am surprisingly refreshed. I saw the true colors, and they looked a lot like my abusive marriage. Not physically, but verbally. I will never allow myself to be treated that way again. No more lies or broken promises. No more letting someone make me feel less than. So it’s Jamie time again. I’m dedicating the next 30 days to myself. Getting back into weekly therapy. Joining the gym. Getting my hair done. And remember how badass I really am. Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-64285733466044881792023-06-06T16:41:00.006-04:002023-06-06T17:30:51.606-04:00Guess Who’s Back?! Well, well, well…here we are again. Fresh from a break up. But not just any break up. I got dumped while on vacation with him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still sad, but I’m also pretty sure he was seeing someone else. Too many clues left in his car. Always hiding his phone screen. Also caught him in a bunch of lies. Something had definitely been off with him lately. He just hadn’t been the sweet, caring guy I fell for. He had been rude and judgmental. I knew this past weekend was going to be a “make it or break it” for us. It just sucks to put so much time into someone and have them make you look stupid. Should’ve known when a 40 year old man wants to live like he’s 21, that’s a huge red flag. I won’t try to go back this time. I’m done. I know what I deserve. I know how amazing I am. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am intelligent. I am hilarious. I am going to be ok. One day, this will all be just another funny story for me to tell. Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-59085353388145434872023-02-23T14:34:00.003-05:002023-02-23T14:34:55.553-05:00Giving Up Things To Better Myself...<span> He reached out to me on Thanksgiving. We met up, the spark was still there, so we decided to see what happened. Flash forward to four months later. I almost ruined things. Again. I thought I'd be ok with having a drink or two. But two turned into three. Three turned into four. Four turned into five. And five turned into a fight. Earlier this week, he told me the fighting wasn't worth it. He wanted to be done. All because I put alcohol before our relationship. We really only fight when I decided to get drunk. I take full responsibility for that. But I also know that's not really who I am. I know my anxiety medication makes the effects of alcohol more intense. I know I shouldn't drink heavily on it, but at times I felt like I needed an escape after a long week at work. So I have decided to really be done. It's not worth it. He's decided to see if my drinking really is the issue, and give things one last chance. I am so grateful. I think things are great, when we aren't drunk and fighting. Maybe things won't work out between us, and that's ok, but I feel like I need to give this everything I've got. If it doesn;t work, all this will at least put me in the right headspace and help me grow for the one I'm supposed to be with. I am so tired of stressing and overthinking. It is exhausting. I just can't keep living my life this way. I am craving happiness and fun. I am going into the weekend focusing on that. Although money doesn't solve problems, I did purchase hockey tickets as a way to say 'I'm sorry', and get him out of the house of a little bit. I've never been to a hockey game. As a sports fan, I am really looking forward to it. It's going to be a good weekend. I can feel it. </span><div><span><br /></span></div><div><span><span> On another note, I just found out a close family member has cancer. I've been catering to my mom and her swollen, purple foot. Work has been insane this week. And Saturday is my sister's birthday, the one that passed away. She would've been 20. Crazy. I've worked really hard to not let any of it get me down this week. I feel good. I am eating better and exercising. I am sleeping better. It's nice to not let things I can't control drag me down. My therapist is proud. She's put alot of time and effort into my wellbeing. It feels good to get postitive praise from someone who has heard the stories of my rough past. </span><br /></span></div>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-52773421387031243782023-02-21T12:15:00.008-05:002023-02-21T13:36:33.433-05:00Oops, I Did it Again…<p>I’m back again. Four months later, I’m right back to feeling heartbroken with no one to blame but myself. It sucks when you know things can be different, but you’ve used up all your chances to prove it. I know I should just accept the inevitable, but daddy didn’t raise a quitter. I’m probably just making things worse, but I can’t just walk away. I know I have issues, and I really am trying my best to work through them. My therapist isn’t afraid to make me see when I’m the problem, and I can see it. I know exactly what the main issue is. But I’d it too late to fix it? Have I burnt all my bridges? I know I've had two strikes. But as a baseball fan, I know I still have one more strike before I'm out. I want to swing for the fences. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-37996571942136609902022-11-06T01:59:00.001-04:002022-11-06T01:59:19.937-04:00Thank You, Next…<p> It’s been a long eight weeks of self reflection. I’ve put a lot of random thoughts and feelings out here for the world to read. It’s been therapeutic. I’ve learned a lot about myself in this time. I’ve grown a lot as a person. I’ve worked through the hard time I was struggling with. I’m happy. I think it’s time to move on from journaling for the world to read. I might return to this blog eventually. Maybe I’ll get back to beauty blogging one day. But for now, I’m moving on to the next chapter. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-36747600907182646992022-11-03T15:57:00.002-04:002022-11-03T20:20:35.665-04:00What Anxiety Feels Like...<p> If you don't struggle with your mental health, consider yourself lucky. My journey with mental health struggles started over ten years ago. I was married at the time. Shortly after I was married, my ex did a 180. The loving person I once knew became very angry, and became quite unfaithful. Things got physical several times. Long story short, I left. That period in my life started my struggles with anxiety. I started having panic attacks anytime someone raised their voice to me or grabbed me by the arm, no matter the circumstances. Panic attacks make you feel like you're drowning. You literally do not know which way is up. You're sweaty, dizzy, shaky, nauseous. You start overthinking everything. You honestly feel like you could die. You do just as the name suggests, you panic. </p><p>It took me about four years to get over all of that. Shortly after I started feeling like myself again, my dad died. Sudden heart attack. Going trough that made domestic violence feel like a walk in the park. I started going through depression. I did not want to get out of bed. I didn't want to be around anyone. Six months after he passed, my sister was killed in a car wreck. Six months after that, I was a nurse in the middle of a pandemic. That's when my anxiety went through the roof. I was terrified of losing anyone else around me. I honestly started to have abandonment issues. I couldn't wrap my head around why everyone I loved was leaving me. I had frequent moments of panic. When I panic, I feel like I need to fix everything in the moment. I feel like if I don’t try to fix it right away, I’ll never be able to fix it. Which I know now, only adds fuel to the fire. </p><p>About six months ago, I got into my first "serious" relationship since my marriage ended. I was not ready. It ended because of me, I take full responsibility for that. I didn't know how to love someone. I didn't know how to explain to someone my past or how I needed to be loved. He didn't want me to take my medications long term. He was afraid of long term effects. So I made the choice to try to switch medications, which sent me into a manic episode. I completely stopped my anxiety meds, which sent me spiraling. I understand why he called me crazy. I was crazy. My mind was at war with itself. He has never lost anyone close to him. He's never been in an abusive relationship. He didn't understand what I was going through. He didn't understand how I was feeling. He doesn't know how it feels to be on a medication that makes you feel worse. He doesn't understand how it feels to abuptly stop a medication like that. He didn't know how to love me. I can't fault him for that. It wasn't the right time for me to try any of those things on my own. I've been back on my Prozac for six weeks. I've been back in therapy. I've been working really hard on myself. And I am finally starting to feel 'normal' again. But I am also still going through ‘firsts’ without my dad. I am still heartbroken over losing him. I still break down thinking about all the things in my life he won’t be here for. I still cry. Not as often, but it happens. If you haven’t gone through losing a parent you were very close to, you won’t understand the pain. Grief comes in waves, and that wave can hit out of nowhere. That wave can be triggered by the smallest thing. It’s crazy, but football season is the hardest for me. </p><p>I am working so hard on loving myself, first and foremost. I want to be able to love and trust people again. I don't want to worry about people leaving me. I don't want to worry about people thinking I'm a psycho. I also want to help those who are going through the same things. No one should ever feel alone, especially when going through things like that. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-1885750222764024042022-11-02T19:37:00.002-04:002022-11-02T19:37:34.570-04:00Round 2…<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiShqURsjOYUDlsBSgYFVWm69E0JrWlQLtsK5aDx_Y_OxLtWQas60t6uRN6mPtDTaWNy8WYlmp-QsDOVqIXYnSMWbW79dZI16J7MW6Z8ZzQkNK570G7bTbBF1r_jBvYuyOY1uNS9fYk0tBWSvxqOTmcRP5eLzdJbn7Bf1Mtc5zrbxeTY6Q9mJgYK1i-Xw/s1658/71262ED2-EA55-409E-A510-6CCED036FD6B.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1658" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiShqURsjOYUDlsBSgYFVWm69E0JrWlQLtsK5aDx_Y_OxLtWQas60t6uRN6mPtDTaWNy8WYlmp-QsDOVqIXYnSMWbW79dZI16J7MW6Z8ZzQkNK570G7bTbBF1r_jBvYuyOY1uNS9fYk0tBWSvxqOTmcRP5eLzdJbn7Bf1Mtc5zrbxeTY6Q9mJgYK1i-Xw/s320/71262ED2-EA55-409E-A510-6CCED036FD6B.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div>Somewhere between the Halloween party at the resort and Kennywood, I picked this up. I’ve been half dead for the past three days, but am finally starting to feel like I’m on the mend. But I’m happy to say the Statue of Liberty and Uncle Sam were a huge hit at the party and I had an absolute blast! I’ll post pics from the weekend and give a little more detail once I feel better. <p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-42360444100995374592022-10-27T14:43:00.001-04:002022-10-27T14:43:18.025-04:00I’m an idiot…<p> I had a weak moment. I texted him. I put myself out there one last time. He didn’t respond. At all. Why would I want to be with someone who treats me like that? When did I start believing it’s ok to change for a man? He didn’t listen when I talked. I was always the one to make the two hour drive so we could hang out. He said horrible things to me when we’d fight. He’s indecisive and has serious commitment issues. Always made comments about my big thighs and butt. Clearly cared more about himself and his image than he did me. He’d complete ignore me if I said something he didn't like. I completely overlooked all the red flags. I am far from perfect, don’t get me wrong. I’m annoying. I’m needy. I’m anxious. I can be mean. I need reassurance often. But If someone truly loves you, they won’t try to change you. They won’t put you down. They’ll build you up, no matter what your flaws are. They will help you work through your issues and take responsibility for their own. Why was I so blind for so long? I feel stupid for even being upset about our breakup. I should send him a thank you card. He did me a favor. I deserve so much better. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-24434645083223116552022-10-26T21:05:00.001-04:002022-10-26T21:05:23.436-04:00Adventures in Motherhood…<p> The day I have been dreading, since my child was born, has finally arrived. I was going through my son’s phone, as I often do, and saw something I was not prepared for. I knew this day would come, but I was not ready for it to be today. There in his Google search history was the word “milfs”. My heart dropped to my butt. I reluctantly proceeded to go through his browser history, and found he had frequented a couple inappropriate websites over the past couple of days. There needs to be a class for moms so we can learn how to handle these situations before they happen. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing. I didn’t want him to feel dirty over natural feelings. I told him I wasn’t mad, and it’s human nature to be curious, but he probably shouldn’t be looking at things like that. Then I quickly changed the parental controls on his phone. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. He definitely keeps me on my toes. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-86035863234670154632022-10-25T13:00:00.003-04:002022-10-25T13:00:49.538-04:00Super Weird…<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I don’t know how I started receiving these emails. They just started popping up in inbox a few weeks ago. I don’t really believe in these things, but she seems to have me figured out. I don’t know where these came from. I don’t know why I started getting them. I don’t know if someone is playing a trick one me. But what I do want to know is, where is this man at?! She keeps talking about a man in my life, but I haven’t seen him yet. He better hurry up. I need someone to go do stuff with, I’m getting bored. 🤣</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijfMGbj3fLuncs0StKRPxTP8AKk354sXmpirmbDT2s2whr_YxaKVSZGm95UoaCCNTguK5br8lgdqFLQS58iawRsrEdJy8PZkzcvgbROb8fDhAxbuv-1z8xP75L128LXUQrGdc-23uDIhjHi7vi0a-UMSfYp7c1AmH4cFHwJSj6cI_cIUrU7gyhBIX0ew/s2688/A23BDC81-A9FC-4A4C-ABB0-76A45A637066.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijfMGbj3fLuncs0StKRPxTP8AKk354sXmpirmbDT2s2whr_YxaKVSZGm95UoaCCNTguK5br8lgdqFLQS58iawRsrEdJy8PZkzcvgbROb8fDhAxbuv-1z8xP75L128LXUQrGdc-23uDIhjHi7vi0a-UMSfYp7c1AmH4cFHwJSj6cI_cIUrU7gyhBIX0ew/s320/A23BDC81-A9FC-4A4C-ABB0-76A45A637066.png" width="148" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb67exad6cJpvZVljpjuqJr4_6WpfU-DvjFHhi3Pu9DI2algvNR6D4zkG6PG_CZYdVS0XtGYq2oKCtsz-fVDS1HaKCTFzt1vbQ1q6fhkMUXZwCCp63SJzzJXVPL5B8n4X88W_fbOzskRmkVBRvtsVxnvrd0vqY6gc67Nh2x6ORkP6S6jkYYPWYRmyG1A/s2688/4C08DDE6-ABF8-4836-8FD6-5A783B49F359.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2688" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb67exad6cJpvZVljpjuqJr4_6WpfU-DvjFHhi3Pu9DI2algvNR6D4zkG6PG_CZYdVS0XtGYq2oKCtsz-fVDS1HaKCTFzt1vbQ1q6fhkMUXZwCCp63SJzzJXVPL5B8n4X88W_fbOzskRmkVBRvtsVxnvrd0vqY6gc67Nh2x6ORkP6S6jkYYPWYRmyG1A/s320/4C08DDE6-ABF8-4836-8FD6-5A783B49F359.png" width="148" /></a></div> <p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-56170925737085343292022-10-23T22:41:00.003-04:002022-10-23T22:44:05.237-04:00When Everything Just Clicks…<p> It’s crazy how much better I’m feeling. My mind feels right. My meds are right 🤣. Ive put in a lot of work on my mental health lately. I’ve spent a lot of time with family and friends. Church was wonderful today. I’ve looked in the mirror lately & actually felt confident and beautiful. Odin is feeling better. He’s getting out and doing things too. I feel like my life is finally starting to fall back into place after the whirlwind that’s taken place the last couple of months. Things have happened that nobody knows about. I’ve kept so much inside. The explosion was a big lesson. Definitely don’t want that to ever happen again. I’m really looking forward to this week. Lots of fun things planned, and it’s spirit week at school. We love dressing up with kids, even though it embarrasses Odin. I just feel like a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m excited to see what God has for me in the future. For the first time in awhile, life is good. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJVZIiSRxkf9Rl9YY5EYCEMbqy8nIf55gjVTKhr1Q1VTCYgfnG-vwoTso7dnhDK3LJItZfYXs31VJgJSrv7HGDvXYpscxma_yK-ujZPOicSrM7ke39k6WVflFRgoNwlhUtseCkUjQOsMDv6A8grbB82_-JmAeot9UA8hhJ_BDHaN67ti56AmTSsUVP1Q/s1242/DAC942FB-95CD-4BD8-AA80-ED62B92FE662.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1143" data-original-width="1242" height="294" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJVZIiSRxkf9Rl9YY5EYCEMbqy8nIf55gjVTKhr1Q1VTCYgfnG-vwoTso7dnhDK3LJItZfYXs31VJgJSrv7HGDvXYpscxma_yK-ujZPOicSrM7ke39k6WVflFRgoNwlhUtseCkUjQOsMDv6A8grbB82_-JmAeot9UA8hhJ_BDHaN67ti56AmTSsUVP1Q/s320/DAC942FB-95CD-4BD8-AA80-ED62B92FE662.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-47414023985691028972022-10-21T21:57:00.004-04:002022-10-21T22:10:10.977-04:00Date Night…<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyXIPUwGjAl6iuKFCrDIZexgBmmUJo50XsgWCVWukzoCz61zrRSlFAopgCBhjSTapZzl5OgYIOM04kjLPk7IyDkjlalmZx60quFVAofKZTidWbTp9N36Iq7UYMWLpqzju_6xTOr6dGX5DZr9_QaHR2eZMxXjjP_EMCcSOR-LP7gHu0sJdcs2fR59XOtQ/s2230/A83BD6A8-F0C4-4481-9EEC-30FBD41A1ECB.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2230" data-original-width="1242" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyXIPUwGjAl6iuKFCrDIZexgBmmUJo50XsgWCVWukzoCz61zrRSlFAopgCBhjSTapZzl5OgYIOM04kjLPk7IyDkjlalmZx60quFVAofKZTidWbTp9N36Iq7UYMWLpqzju_6xTOr6dGX5DZr9_QaHR2eZMxXjjP_EMCcSOR-LP7gHu0sJdcs2fR59XOtQ/s320/A83BD6A8-F0C4-4481-9EEC-30FBD41A1ECB.jpeg" width="178" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN1oQ7IrzoDsor7CZuS76Sg7Z0K3zq4FeG7bggERMAQacgQgwfGQfQA_3T007h93QYmpS4d15c-31XZ7pvkVd3fxPhMkU9p1qQk3yrBav47OqiqDRhjG6wVYKvg34IVqSce039NZxtNedUa-F4uDL3SBx17e8xrJGTfDS-DC-kuU9rKYHTEcJ39g1wGA/s2080/3C25BA9F-F911-4DDD-87A7-9D9C8B473153.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2080" data-original-width="1102" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN1oQ7IrzoDsor7CZuS76Sg7Z0K3zq4FeG7bggERMAQacgQgwfGQfQA_3T007h93QYmpS4d15c-31XZ7pvkVd3fxPhMkU9p1qQk3yrBav47OqiqDRhjG6wVYKvg34IVqSce039NZxtNedUa-F4uDL3SBx17e8xrJGTfDS-DC-kuU9rKYHTEcJ39g1wGA/s320/3C25BA9F-F911-4DDD-87A7-9D9C8B473153.jpeg" width="170" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Got out of the house tonight for a little fun. Went to the Wonder Bar for the first time. Ate entirely too much. Had some great conversation. And most of all, I felt confident and beautiful. I haven’t gotten really dressed up and gone somewhere nice for dinner in a very long time. Much needed! </div><br /><p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-60386358495095960842022-10-20T17:33:00.003-04:002022-10-20T17:33:33.876-04:00Humbled...<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjasIUqD9LSgWf6MLhXVjHlMX21hRVFbynd_Thw7B-zTR3ePApLCQmw68_z6Ecq1yPsejjRhYzT9Y1406h-fa6oHVfrFOKpQDpqiSJFHtvX9Ic4hsfIZ9MMy37DB8yOAhoewZFUbfp53gOGZ5PLWbCKKwklwjVCCHGRxWeaFmQT_8cDQGZHgaqUWBJtxA/s1242/IMG_9621.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="936" data-original-width="1242" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjasIUqD9LSgWf6MLhXVjHlMX21hRVFbynd_Thw7B-zTR3ePApLCQmw68_z6Ecq1yPsejjRhYzT9Y1406h-fa6oHVfrFOKpQDpqiSJFHtvX9Ic4hsfIZ9MMy37DB8yOAhoewZFUbfp53gOGZ5PLWbCKKwklwjVCCHGRxWeaFmQT_8cDQGZHgaqUWBJtxA/s320/IMG_9621.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><br /> </div> Nothing makes me feel like a bigger whiner than hanging out with those who are struggling with addiciton. I got asked to cover a few hours at Addiction Recovery tonight. I haven't worked there in months. It's always humbling to talk to some of those people. I am sober. I have a job. I have a car. I have custoday of my child. I have a roof over my head. I am able to pay all my bills on my own. I have food in my fridge. I have money in the bank. My brain isn't eaten up by substances. My parents never forced me to try heroin. I never felt the urge to shoot up gasoline just to see what it would feel like. I didn't have to choose between eating today and getting high. My life is pretty darn good. I got my feelings hurt? Big deal. I'm a badass. It's his loss. I have been asked out almost every day in the last two weeks. I need to be with someone who has their life together, not someone who is looking to start their life. My mom would rather go out than spend time with her children? That's on her. I can't bare this cross for her. She has to figure this one out on her own. I have let myself fall into the gaslighting of others for this entire year. I'm done. I definitely needed the interactions I had this evening with the people who were put in my path. I feel recharged and ready to take on the world. <p></p><p><br /></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-48728363794052430452022-10-20T09:18:00.002-04:002022-10-20T09:18:45.802-04:00Cherophobia…<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCMYGTNA6WrGeaBEdxjI2ZWJ1Otr67xcxTJirE5Iy_AkaRZdN2TSREIopaK-YOHU576O_xXe4DldmP_7_VlcJYo1K9MVuW0xVN3Z54P92haJbqBpCgn9KJLL4BYzqBJaJ9iHOljVoVQiQo0Q7eSwoD3LTxm3gAb-lpf-p3xWeNJiFUZ9Ed0ErmuWzYlw/s400/484C9626-62EE-425D-81AD-ABB12334AB13.webp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="400" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCMYGTNA6WrGeaBEdxjI2ZWJ1Otr67xcxTJirE5Iy_AkaRZdN2TSREIopaK-YOHU576O_xXe4DldmP_7_VlcJYo1K9MVuW0xVN3Z54P92haJbqBpCgn9KJLL4BYzqBJaJ9iHOljVoVQiQo0Q7eSwoD3LTxm3gAb-lpf-p3xWeNJiFUZ9Ed0ErmuWzYlw/s320/484C9626-62EE-425D-81AD-ABB12334AB13.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /> Woke up today feeling better. I know the majority of my stress is brought on by myself. I get in my head. I overthink. I try to fix situations that are out of my control, then freak out when I can't change anything. I wonder what event in my past made me this way. Research suggests this behavior is brought on my stress, anxiety, and depression. Go figure. I need to stop obsessing about every little detail of everything that hasn't gone the way I wanted it to. I am triggered by uncertainty. It's amazing what therapy can teach you about yourself. I’ve recently learned the word cherophobia. It’s a form of anxiety. It’s basically the fear of being happy. That’s me. I’m afraid of being hurt and disappointed, so I self sabotage. And guess what? I always end up hurt and disappointed. Then I freak out, which makes matters way worse. I need to stop worrying about everyone else (except Odin) and focus on really fixing myself. I don’t want to be lonely forever. I need to stop pushing people away. I’ve been too obsessed over my recent problems to see that I am the problem. The past month of my life has been one big therapy session, but I think I’m finally starting to get it. I’m losing weight. I’m exercising. I’ve been sober for a month. I’m finally starting to get a grasp on the physical. Now I just need the mental and emotional parts to line up. I know I can do this. <p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-13896050265980044732022-10-19T11:31:00.005-04:002022-10-19T13:07:59.478-04:00Keeping My Head Above Water...<p> Well, I've been called crazy. I've been called mean. Normally, I wouldn't let that bother me, but I think it was said to me out of spite. Or at least that's how it felt. I wish people would learn to be kind. They don't know what other people are going through. They don't know how it feels to go through some of the things I've been through. My life has not been easy. Now, I've isolated myself from others. My child is struggling. My family dynamic has fallen apart. I haven't spoken to any of siblings in weeks. My mom just wants to go to bars three to four times a week and hit on men half her age. I'm starting to hate my job. None of that really bothered me because I had someone, I wasn’t alone. But we all know how that ended… ha! And on top of all that, I let myself get my feelings hurt. I'm not normally a sissy about things. I usually let things roll off me like water off a ducks back. I just don't know how my life got so out of control so fast. I’m carrying so much stress in my neck and shoulders, I can barely move. I try to fix everyone else and neglect myself. I can’t do that. I have to make myself my top priority. I know it’s going to get better. I know I’m tough. I know I’ve got this. I just need to make some changes, starting with having some fun. </p><p>I’ve agreed to go on a date Friday night. It’s somewhere nice. I get to put on something nice, do my makeup a little extra, and fix my hair. I’m actually really excited. He and I dated a few months awhile back, so there aren’t any nerves. We’re both recently single and not looking for anything serious, so there’s no pressure there either. It should be fun. I’m also meeting a friend for dinner on Sunday. I haven’t seen him in almost a year. It’s going to be a beautiful weekend, so I think I’m going to spend Saturday hiking at Audra. I’m excited. It’s time I turn all this negativity around. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-42774476173925874142022-10-18T17:09:00.003-04:002022-10-18T17:09:57.661-04:00Today’s Life Lesson…<p></p><div style="text-align: center;">One man’s trash is another man’s +1 to tropical getaways and fancy parties. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRncSdxoxa6OE6fe6iG7neBpisrSr9goB6d2wfhI_z5kbVntI2-P8kTwu0fUXLIK8BSLR-JVV1eFxnb98q3d_CmqZKRsTgBG-Dy97Rv-3InsKqYmdUEUGIR4iDj2Omi8i6K3IssQicqxFfpMoleYtetnnOMHWLHFpYLwQuhosqDCRJsSgSgUmM2dhp5A/s1920/IMG_0343.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRncSdxoxa6OE6fe6iG7neBpisrSr9goB6d2wfhI_z5kbVntI2-P8kTwu0fUXLIK8BSLR-JVV1eFxnb98q3d_CmqZKRsTgBG-Dy97Rv-3InsKqYmdUEUGIR4iDj2Omi8i6K3IssQicqxFfpMoleYtetnnOMHWLHFpYLwQuhosqDCRJsSgSgUmM2dhp5A/s320/IMG_0343.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-63090072778812215882022-10-18T15:04:00.002-04:002022-10-18T15:07:36.165-04:00Moving on, For Real…<p> I needed the break down I had today. I’ve held it all together pretty good lately. But I’m tired. I let myself look like an idiot today. I’m embarrassed. But I think I needed that to move on. I’ve been through a lot in my life, more than most people could ever dream of. I’ve survived domestic violence. I survived a toxic relationship. I survived losing my dad and my sister within six months of each other. I survived being a nurse in a pandemic. I’m surviving being the mom of a child with mental health issues. I live on my own. I pay my own bills. I take care of myself and my son. I’ve been working hard on my own mental and physical health. I am an amazing woman. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am hilarious. I am loving. I am caring. I am tough. I am resilient. If someone isn’t willing to stick by me during the hard times, that’s on them. I have had a lot of issues. I recognized them. I put in the work to fix them. I have never claimed to perfect. But I am definitely not someone you meet twice. I am not going to let one person’s opinion of me define who I am. I know I am not mean. I know I wasn’t the one to start all the fights, but I let myself take all the blame. I know I am not crazy. Did I take a medication that gave me bad side effects? Yes. Did I recognize this issue and fix it? Yes. I know who I was. I know who I am now. And I know who I want to become. It takes a big person to admit their own faults. I am constantly growing, learning, and changing. I have learned from my mistakes. I am ready to close this chapter of my life, and open myself up to receive something great. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-54466587761558230612022-10-18T11:48:00.003-04:002022-10-18T11:48:57.795-04:00Starting Over…<p> I keep thinking about packing up the apartment, and moving somewhere new. Maybe even not tell anyone, except those close to me, where I’m going. I just don’t think there is anything here for me any longer. I’m a nurse, I can work anywhere. I really think Odin would benefit from a fresh start too. We both need to meet new people & try new things. I’m just not happy here. I don’t have any close friends. My family isn’t even close anymore. Clearly, Prince Charming isn’t going to come rescue me. I’m going to have to rescue myself. I think I’m going to start researching places. Find us somewhere with a good school district and lots of things to do nearby. My goal is to be out of this town by June. That way Odin and I can finish out the school year here and save up for our new adventure. I need something good in my future, and I think this could be it. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-12177394767991628832022-10-15T16:22:00.000-04:002022-10-15T16:22:01.774-04:00We Needed This…<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NivqFymWJrAhsKuWpH3w-0VWvcCqUiYJPe-u-PGvtDoCUuJmv2L2SXpPeVLpLF8jTx-PFww8j0zD5ri0WFZD30BM3_bn9lazEYZC69CnuqMernKFmBG40JKtSe_KKev9w1T3BVRIcRAP_XsBOMd7UljJbSQrFvSKFG13YuRnM0EmD143_hd4sIlqtg/s1610/IMG_0503.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1610" data-original-width="1037" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_NivqFymWJrAhsKuWpH3w-0VWvcCqUiYJPe-u-PGvtDoCUuJmv2L2SXpPeVLpLF8jTx-PFww8j0zD5ri0WFZD30BM3_bn9lazEYZC69CnuqMernKFmBG40JKtSe_KKev9w1T3BVRIcRAP_XsBOMd7UljJbSQrFvSKFG13YuRnM0EmD143_hd4sIlqtg/s320/IMG_0503.PNG" width="206" /></a></div><br /><p>Funfilled day at Kennywood with my baby. Zero stress. Much needed. Looking forward to a better week next week. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-21379780739951691072022-10-14T19:02:00.001-04:002022-10-14T19:02:15.198-04:00More Issues Than Vogue…<p> I spoke to my therapist about my blowing me off to go to a bar. She thinks it’s time to tackle my abandonment issues. I told her I didn’t have abandonment issues. She brought up my failed marriage, my dead dad, my dead sister, my failed relationships, and my mom’s recent behavior. I suddenly felt attacked. She mentioned abuse, death, and sudden relationship loss are some of the main causes of feeling abandoned. She also thinks I sabotage relationships with people to avoid getting hurt. She also said I’m clingy, attach too easily, and settle. She doesn’t know me at all. (Please note the sarcasm.) </p><p>Just when I think I’m making progress, this woman knocks me down a few pegs. I don’t know why I pay her so much. </p><p><br /></p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081783795691289310.post-61298912816372327452022-10-14T11:08:00.000-04:002022-10-14T11:08:11.451-04:00An Odin Update...<p> He started his new classes. I picked him up and asked how his day went, he said it was AMAZING. He really likes all of his new teachers. He finally has some classes with friends. His math teacher allowed them to do all their work in class, so he did not have any math homework for the first time all year. I'm hoping this is the change he needed. He seemed like a different kid. It was nice to see him smile. I need to start doing more things to make him feel special and get him out of the house more. I think we might need a trip to Kennywood tomorrow, just the two of us. We love roller coasters. I think we could both benefit from a day of fun and good food. I know he has a long way to go, but I pray the actions I'm taking are putting him on the right track. I just want him to be happy and healthy. My goal is to make him a functioning member of society. I don't want him to live life being a victim of his mental health issues. I want him to see that we are both able to overcome our issues, and live a "normal" life. I know he picks up on my sadness, so I'm working hard to stay positve and healthy. I want to be a good role model for him. </p>Mama and Mascarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13766159920287325627noreply@blogger.com0