Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Getting a Little Personal...


Here we are...me and my tiny best friend. I can't believe he'll be a year old a week from tomorrow. The past year has flown by. And looking back, I'm not sure how I made it this far with him. He scared me to death the first time I held him. I'm not a kid person, I had no idea what I was doing. It's a big deal to have someone rely 100% on you.
I cried when I first found out I was pregnant. Not because I was having a baby, but because I was going to be a mother. It's silly now that I think about it. But at the time, I wasn't sure I could do it. Thankfully, God is in charge. He knew I would ruin a girl, and that I couldn't handle a wild child. Odin is perfect for me. He has been since day one, and I thank God for him daily. I wish you all could know him like I do. He really is the best baby.
I can't believe how funny he is (he gets that from me...lol). He's also very intelligent (not from me...lol). I love that I'm the one that got to carry him in my tummy, and bring him into the world. That's amazing. God is so good. Men don't know what they're missing. And to be the one with him 24/7 at home is an even bigger blessing. I'm over the moon that I got see all his "firsts". Moving on...I'm getting emotional...
However, being a married-single parent is probably the hardest thing about the past year. Jeremiah's job kept him away for the first 6 months of Odin's life. And over the last 6 months, he's been gone about 50% of the time. Knowing that I'm the parent that has shaped Odin into who he is today is hard. I know I'm a good mama, and I know he loves me, but I can't stop wondering if I could've done more. I cry myself to sleep a lot thinking, "Shouldn't he be walking all of the time and talking more?" Sometimes I feel like a failure. Not to sound hateful, but I hope everyone thinks that way at one point. I don't want to be a crazy person.
Sorry, this isn't my typical blog post. I just needed to vent for a sec. I tend to bottle up the emotional stuff to keep up my bubbly outward appearance. The past year has been the hardest, but the best year of my life. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying....

4 comments:

  1. Keep your head up!!!! Let blogging be your outlet. =)

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  2. Xavier is perfect and beautiful and well adjusted. Everyone says so. But he also didn't start REALLY walking until exactly 7 days before his first birthday. And talking? Yeah. He was TWO before he started using real words (and now, he has entire conversations). Kids develop at different rates. There is no magic formula for when the first words happen or when the full-time walking happens. You are an amazing mama and Odin is a perfect beautiful child. Promise.

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  3. I meant to tell you.... your hair is so cute in this picture! =)

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  4. awww...thank you so much!! I was growing out my bangs, and braid was the only thing that looked good :) lol

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